The most efficient tool I have applied in the raising of my daughter has been energy. And I do not mean it like the electricity.
Energy, like that which surrounds us and everything, everywhere. Even material things are made up of energy organized in a certain way. You do not need to believe the holistic concept of energy, energy is tangible and you can utilize and benefit from it in your parenting life.
Our parents were not aware of this concept, so this is a fairly new idea we are talking about. They may have used it without knowing, but it is better when you fully understand it and know how to apply it to achieve desirable results every time.
Relationships are based on energy. We sometimes say: “I like that person” or “I just don’t like her and I don’t know why”. That is energy. It is the energy that people project that we can sense. Some of us are more sensitive to this and can feel whether a place is charged with clean energy or not. You don’t need to be a “guru” to feel energy, but you must practice it with yourself and your kids in order to really master it.
In parenting classes/books they advise you to use common tools to address the bedtime routine:
– Tell your child he has 10 minutes to finish playing, then 5 minutes and expect your child to be ready to go to bed, when you say so.
– Threaten punishment if he/she does not obey.
– Bribe him with prizes if he/she does obey.
1. Children have no concept of time, so why bother with the 10 or 5 minutes limit?
2. It is just my personal preference not to use prize or punishment to raise my child.
Instead, I use one main tool that, when used consistently, will give you desirable results:
First, be clear with yourself. Know what you want, when you want it and that you WILL get it. This is just the “law of attraction” applied to parenting.
If you have mixed feelings, your child is going to pick up on those and he will not do what you want. At the moment your energy changes, your kid, who is a master of energy (they are!), will know and his energy will get confused. He will not want to follow any rules because he “feels” you are not sure about what you want him to do.
If you are centered and clear about what you want and what you will get, you will project that energy to him and he will “obey”. It is about energy! I have always used this tool with my daughter and it has always worked.
Second, check in. If you are frustrated with some adult issue (money, partner, work, health, etc), you will project that energetically to your child and he will mirror it back to you. What I suggest for this is to clean the energy that you accumulate throughout your day before seeing your child. There are many different ways to clean your energy and you will want to adjust according to your liking and the circumstances, but here I have some suggestions:
1. Breathe deeply 5 times, find what is bothering you.
2. Write down what is bothering you.
3. Make a light bubble around who or what is bothering you or say, and mean, the 4 phrases for Ho’oponopono: Please forgive me, I am sorry, thank you, I love you or you may pray for the situation or person if you prefer.
4. As you do any or all of the above, you are going to cut any cord of energy with that person or situation that you don’t need any more.
5. Now you are free to go and hug your child!
Note: If you can do it in the shower, ocean, or a waterfall, even better.
As you become more aware of energy and aspire to create a more positive and compassionate you, you may find that your children reflect this back as you begin to create the energetic space in your home that you wish your family to live in.